“Every day is a good day”

It has been a while since I’ve written anything but I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this. I have found it difficult to find the right words to express what I am feeling in a way that makes sense to others so please bear with me.

Throughout my illness I have tried to focus myself on having a positive outlook, to live my life in a way that makes this life of mine the best life I can, despite the circumstances of my failing health. I try to live by the idea that you can’t control what happens to you, but, you can control how you respond to it. Even though I continually strive for this ideal, in all honesty, it has been a struggle for me due to the changes in my health and life since August. More often than I’d like to admit, I find myself coming up short.

I miss my job of teaching. I miss making a difference in the lives of my students, sharing a love of learning, and doing a job that made me feel valuable.  I miss my friends and the fun things we used to do together. I have had a hard time figuring out what this “new” life of mine should look like. These past several months have really tested me both physically and emotionally. My thyroid numbers were way off leaving me extremely weak and ill. For most of September and all of October, I was only up out of bed between two to four hours a day, with four hours being a generous estimation on my best days. My hyperthyroidism along with my other illnesses have made living difficult, painful, and a true struggle. It can be daunting to do the most basic tasks, tasks that most people don’t even count as tasks, such as combing hair or getting in and out of a car. Somedays the mere act of getting out of bed can be overwhelming and exhausting. And then on top of that, in some weird twist of life, while you are suffering the most, you are also cut off from normal socialization and human interaction. You find yourself alone, just surviving, instead of living. It is during these times that being positive is difficult for me, if not impossible.

It is shocking how isolated you become when you are no longer well, able to work, run errands, or participate in clubs or activities. I know without a doubt that I have many people that love me, support me, and care about me. I understand that my feeling of loneliness is not a result of the malicious intent of others, but more from the natural flow of life, the busy hustle and bustle of daily living. Yet this hustle and bustle is a part of life that my health no longer allows me to participate in.

However, over these last several months, one person and his tenacity and love for life have helped me get through. He lives life with the kind of attitude I strive so hard to achieve. He is a 96-year-old man that lives in a long-term care facility just across the street from my home. Every day he makes it a point to get out and moving despite the physical limitations of his body. You can find him scootering along in his motorized wheelchair taking his daily walk, greeting others, checking out the property, cleaning up trash, or just sitting outside soaking up the sun. He makes himself useful in many ways such as delivering mail to the other residents or even working at the front desk. He does many little jobs for the place he lives. I enjoy spending time with him just sitting out front. Each person that walks by into the facility is greeted by him both coming and going.  One day, while I was sitting with him, a gentleman waved as he was leaving and called out to my friend to have a good day in which my friend responded: “I will because every day is a good day.” I looked at my 96-year-old friend and know I have so much to learn from him. I paused and thought about how most everyone from his former life has already passed away, that he is in constant pain from age and life’s toll, and yet here he is making the most of each and every day. I am brought to tears as I type this because his zest for life has made such a positive impact on me.

Being home alone most of the day can get very lonely and I look forward to seeing him on the rare chance that I am well enough. The other day we were sitting outside, him in his electric scooter and me on the sidewalk, when we spotted a bug that crawled up onto my leg. I put the bug back into the rocks a little way in front of me laughing at its quirky character. The bug then repeatedly tried to crawl back to me. Each time I would put him back into the rocks away from me. Finally, he crawled towards my friend where he placed his slipper foot down so that the bug could crawl up onto it. From there he reached down and allowed the bug to crawl onto his glove. We marveled at the little bug and its determination to keep crawling over towards us despite my ruining his best efforts by continually placing him back to where he started from. We were enjoying looking at the bug and my 96-year-old friend chuckled and said how everyone would think we were silly spending time playing with the little bug. I responded to him that maybe everyone else is just too busy to have time to pay attention to the little things and that we were not that silly at all, just lucky. In fact, at that moment I felt such gratitude. Here I was with my 96-year-old friend who has lived a long and adventurous life, accomplished so much, and now I have the opportunity to know him and to learn from him. I felt grateful that we could look at a little bug and marvel at its existence with fascination and awe. I felt grateful that although life has not gone in the direction I had hoped or even dreamed of, that I am still able to look at life in childlike wonder and appreciate the little things. I know that under normal circumstances I would never have had the opportunity to sit there and listen, to get to know and spend time with him, or for me to get to witness his determination to make the most of his time here on earth.

I have no idea what life holds for me. I know that I will continue to face challenges as my illnesses progress. Yet I have found comfort in watching my friend and seeing how fully he lives life despite his physical limitations. I know that there will be times when I feel lonely or sad but even though things may seem bleak, I will take the advice from a wise friend and live each day to the best of my ability. I will always remember that every day is a good day. It is all just a matter of perspective.